GENDER BUNNY by J Mason III
Who am I?
Clearly I am the gender bunny (crowd: I believe!)
And I’m pretty sure you’ve never heard the word
about me
It’s a newer position really
See there’s the playboy bunny
That chocolate obsessed Easter bunny hack
And then there’s me
The heartbreaker
The deceiver
The trickster of all things gender specific
In the distance
There!
Think you just found a bio boy on whom to place your
Heteronormative affections
Ah-Ha!
You’ve been gender bunnied!!
But that’s just a side hustle
Because I deal exclusively with pants
I know you like pants
Who doesn’t?!?
Long pants
Short pants
Corduroys
Clam diggers
Bell bottoms
Skinny jeans
Leather
Pleather
Pleated
Business
Tight
White
Fittin’ right
Black
Red
Purple feather embossed
It seems my entire life
You have been obsessed with pants
And you want to know what’s in ’em
You want to know if it’s long
Strong
Innie
Outie
Georgia O’Keeffe
Or George Michael
Plastic bombastic
Flesh or silicone
You don’t care
You just want to know all about it
You little perv
And that’s what gender bunnies (crowd: I believe!) are for
That’s why you ask about my pants
When I’m dropping trout in the restroom
Sometimes with a gasp and a clutch of pearls
You ask when I’m catching the bus on my way to my gender bunny (crowd: I believe!)
assignments for the day
Sometimes when I’m just sitting around eating a carrot on my mid-day lunch break
Or making perfect little pink or blue ribboned gender baskets for someone’s more easily identifiable
Binary appropriate offspring
Pants are very important to you
It’s almost like you made them yourself
Like every fashion choice I make
Was somehow constructed by you personally
So you want to make sure everything is working appropriately
I appreciate that
Sometimes I pretend I don’t hear you wondering about my pants
When you’re yelling at me down a street corner
Or are asking what my “real” name is
I’m just playing hard to get
And the more angry you get
About my inability to answer you misphrased question with certainty
the closer you are to finding out the answers you desire
See tooth fairies are fueled by the dreams of children
But gender bunnies (crowd: I believe!)
are fueled by the incessant anger of strangers
Yeah, it’s true
It’s how we know that you believe
In our gender bunny (crowd: I believe!)
gender nonconforming powers
Of genital transformation and gender relocation
Sometimes it’s even better if you guess
If you guess right the first time
We’ll grant you 3 wishes
And I’ll even hand over my social security card
And IRS statement just to make sure you are tracking down the exact right
Gender bunny (crowd: I believe!)
to fulfill all your “reasonable” gendered commands
You know this is a secret
But
I may actually even start expanding the business soon
As the years have gone by
I’ve been noticing an increased attention on chests
Breasts really
The general public really wants to know who has them
And who doesn’t
Who used to
And who’s got the freshest ones
So they’ll try to peak their curious noses behind binders
Or thick fall blazers
Be preoccupied at the trim of a well done ball gown
Or will spend an entire conversation engaging their eyes in the general direction
That breasts may or may not appear
Weird!
If they spot them
I guess they think they’ll get an extra ten points or something
Because then they always tend to want to announce what they’ve seen
I haven’t figured out the entire details
But may as well get in on where the market’s going
Don’t worry if I ever seem like I am being a little short
Or curt
When you’re asking about the detailed definitions of my genitalia’s makeup
I could never be offended
Because I know you’d do the same for me
In fact
I think we should stop even greeting each other with simple hello’s anymore
I mean as a society we have just simply evolved beyond that
It’s so pre-ethical slut
Whenever we meet a new person we should really be exchanging polaroid pictures of our own genitals
Just to make sure we know who we’re really talking to
And see it’s ideas like that
That got me promoted to gender bunny
(crowd: I believe!) status
I have just so many more racing through up here
That just need more believers like you
So if you believe in the gender bunnies (crowd: I believe!)
of the world
Keep asking inappropriate questions at inopportune times
Keep mispronouncing
Digging through our postal boxes
And be prepared
to expose
Your genitals